The past months have been a blur, yet they’ve been on my mind this week. I feel like I’ve been on a journey of sorts, with one question in mind, “Where is Home?” I know this may seem like a simple question and answer response. I’ve thought of all the traditional responses, “Home is where the Heart is,” “Home is where your loved ones are,” “Home is where all your stuff is,” “Home is where you do whatever the heck you want,” but none of them have really satisfied my ponderings. Keep that question in mind, I’d love to hear your thoughts and insights!
Now onto the deeper feelings part… In July my husband and I felt it was time for us to sell our home. Just that simple thought even now has my eyes getting a bit cloudy. We loved our home. It was a symbol of sorts for us of a new beginning. A symbol of a opportunity to become whoever it was we wanted to become, but let me back up.
At the end of 2014 my husband received a promotion at work. At the time we lived in Eden, Utah the place we had grown up, my family still lived. It was a small valley, which also means everyone knew us, our family, our grandparents, every detail about our lives was likely known by the ‘villagers.’ For about four months or so Craig (aka my handsome hubby, or Craigie) was commuting about three hours, on a good day, to and from work which was in Logan, Utah. He would need to be there by 8:30am, and then close at 7pm. It was rough. I felt like we never saw the man, by this point we had been married over three years and had baby girl. This pushed us to look for a new place for our new family.
We wanted to live somewhere a little less busy than Logan, and Tremonton started looking like the place for us. My dad was a realtor at the time, and we spent hours online looking for houses that would fit our needs, and the budget. House hunting is not for the faint of heart! We walked into two houses thinking they were our favorites, only to feel empty as we walked in the front door. Then came a house that looked cute, it was in our price range, and it had potential. We were on the sidewalk, and my dad just sat there grinning from ear to ear like a little kid. I think he knew this was our house. Now let me say, I am a firm believer in God. I believe he is real with all my heart. I know he is there and watching out for us. I know he put that house in our laps. The moment that key turned in the front door, something hit us hard. We were home. I can’t deny the feeling we had. I walked in, and even though their décor was different than my own style, I would look at a wall, and I could see what that wall needed to have on it. I could see our furniture laid out instantly. I could see where our daughters’ room would be, I could see a little boy’s room all cute and laid out- we didn’t even have a little boy at that time! Gosh I’m glad you can’t see me right now, I feel like a big baby, this topic just pulls at my heartstrings. We were home. We moved into our new home in January 2015. We painted and continually beautified our little haven. We were determined to make it our home! The members of the church community surrounded us with love and acceptance, our neighbors were even on our Emergency Contact list!
Our home when we bought it vs home when we sold it.
Funny little story- I had my wisdom teeth removed a few months after we moved in, and on the way home, I am still recovering from the anesthesia. I wish I still had the video, but then there is a lot that I said that probably is better forgotten! Anyway, Craig asked me if I was happy, my response, “OH YES! I just LOVE living in the BOONIES!” I really did!
We were home. But then July 2018 rolled around, and our lives changed. My husband and I both had that feeling again that it was time for us to sell our beloved home. We both avoided the subject because we had put so much time, love and money into making it our home! Why would we leave it? There was no job change, no life circumstances that would warrant a move, no good reason for us to leave, but we knew it was time. This was both exciting and absolutely heartbreaking. There were multiple days where I would be on fire, packing up a whole room, and then just an hour later, find myself sitting on the floor sobbing wondering what we were doing! We listed our home online on Facebook, and KSL classified on Monday August 13th, we were under contract two days later. A lot of tears were shed. We were moved out by September 26th. My heart could leave our home, but the people we were leaving was the hardest part. My daughter adored our next-door neighbor, I’ve mentioned their family before. Jimmy & Jami. They were amazing. The people in our church community were family to us! I couldn’t believe how attached we had really become, until it was time to say goodbye.
Grace Home- Before and After out front. Yes there has been a season change as well, but you can see a difference in what a little paint, and a storm door can do!
On to our next adventure! Our plan at the time was to move to Idaho, we would live in my parents 5th wheel for a time until we decided where we would like to build a home and stay the rest of our lives- I have had it with moving. But a week before we were ready to move, I got a call from a very concerned father. He said the pipes had already been freezing in the 5th wheel, this was in September! We panicked. We had a family of four now, a dog and a cat, and with the cost of rent skyrocketing, even finding a place was near impossible. We prayed with all our might that something would work out for us. The stress and weight suddenly felt suffocating. And then a call came. My dad had found a place in Grace Idaho that had a small apartment for rent, they were willing to allow us to have our dog and cat. It was in the back of a plumbing & heating building, there was no formal parking, and no yard, but it would keep us warm, and safe. Now keep in mind, we had planned on moving into a 5th wheel, so I had sold furniture. I mean kitchen tables, tv stands, and any other extra furniture we would have use for. The rest was packed away in a snowmobile trailer for safe keeping. Our entire house fit into a snowmobile trailer when I was done selling and giving things away. So, we move into this apartment, our mattresses are all on the floor in one bedroom, and no other furniture other than a dresser is present, so we got creative. Imagine a full-grown man sitting on a 5-gallon bucket of wheat at a kids 2x2 lifetime table, eating dinner out of a paper bowl, every day for about a month. It was humbling. My children were obviously struggling, we had tantrums I had never seen before, the dog and cat constantly paced and whined, Craig and I were exhausted emotionally, physically and spiritually. We weren’t homeless, but we were a sight to see. It’s funny how it was both a miracle for us- because we would have been homeless, or close to, and yet it was an extremely hard month for us, it was not what we had expected, or dreamed of. But here comes God’s hand again.
About a week after we moved in, a woman approached my mother and said she had a friend that was looking to rent her house to someone. It had four bedrooms, a nice yard, and would be ours for a very reasonable price. She gave us permission to have our dog and cat, and we met her about a week later to look through the house. I’ll be honest, it’s not what I had in mind. It was built in the 1920’s, would require TLC, and needed a touch of updating. We felt it was our best option, so we agreed to rent it from her. The next month was spent painting, and getting new carpet, fixing minor and major things. It’s been fun, and absolutely exhausting.
Master bedroom before & after. The walls were a pink with silver sponging, and then a short weave carpet. Now there a warm white- Almond White from Sherwin Williams. It feels so much bigger! I love it! Ignore the random picture in the frame, I have yet to fill them!
It’s been almost three months since we moved into the house. I love to look around and admire the work we have done, although there is still plenty to do! It’s coming along. I finally feel like our lives are coming back together. Our family is happier. We love each other again. There are still days where I wonder why it was time for us to move. There are days where my daughter says, "I miss my old home" and my heart breaks as it answers, 'me too.' I have days that I wonder what we're doing here in little ‘Ole Grace, Idaho. Yet I still feel peace that we made the right decision.
I've vented to my mom plenty of times, but in a recent conversation, a wise Matriarch said to me, “You can’t wait for other to bring you joy, to reach out, to love, and to serve you. YOU have to be the one to reach out to others with no conditions or expectations of the same in return... You have to be the one to show them who you are, to reach out, and make a difference, and a change for good in this community.”
As I mentioned before, I feel I’m on a journey, even still. I don’t feel this is our permanent home. I know that may sound strange, but I feel like this house/home is just a stepping stone towards something special and amazing. I don’t know what that will be, but I do have hope.
Before & After - The front room, view from the front door. Kitchen will still be a project, and possibly the fan, but for now. I love the distinct change! YES- we painted the paneling & ceiling! - Flat white for ceiling, Almond White for walls, from Sherwin Williams, I love how versatile this color is! Carpet is Wild Oats from Mohawk. We still have decorating to do...
My new goal has been to find and share joy and beauty that is surrounding me in this new place in my life. Adulting can be hard. I think that's normal, and there will always be things to complain about, but it doesn't make things any better. It doesn't make me feel any happier to dwell on that list. Instead, I want to be happy. Regardless of how big or small things may be, they are significant to me. My family will always bring me joy, and a sense of purpose, and for that I will forever be grateful, but I also know I need to increase my gratitude and appreciation for the world around me. I will be looking for ways to be a blessing to those around me, to bring joy, and spread the love our family has, with those around us. I know our small gestures can be a big blessing to someone in need. I have a beautiful family, a loyal husband, vehicles that work, a warm home, steady income, and fantastic health. I have much to be grateful for. So while I may still be wondering what, and even where HOME really is, I will find reasons each day to be grateful, and to have joy.
So answer me thing, beside a place where your stuff is, where the people you love are, what makes home, Home?